he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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