Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
