also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize