Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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