She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
