people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
