so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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