and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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