I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
