he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
