My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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