You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
