I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
