So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
