WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
