I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The power of my boobs compel you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
