): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
