Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
