Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
