Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
