the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
