If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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