I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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