if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
