Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ttyl tear gas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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