You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
