Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
