while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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