just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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