it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize