i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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