The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
