If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize