I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
