But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize