you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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