M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
