just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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