Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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