oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
