So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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