do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
