i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
