I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
