Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
