dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
