You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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