This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
