we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
