everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
