I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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