Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
