just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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