did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
