Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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