I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
