I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And then my night got REAL pukey
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
