About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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