Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
