I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize