he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
