Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize