I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
