My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
