You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
