bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You took a bar mat shot.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
