there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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