Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize