u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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