I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
