You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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