I just threw up on my dentist
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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