My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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