he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
