16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
